Secrets in my closet

Okay, doesn't everyone have secrets in their "closet"? I believe so. The problem with my secret is it shows. When you self-injure it is pretty impossible to hide the evidence. I get asked about my scars quite a bit. Not as often as I used to as, the ones on my arms are lightening up... but still... What do you say? Well, there is a great site caled "secret shame" http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html that lists great "excuses". I just have to list a few because I have used them and they are great!

I had unprotected sex with a porcupine.
I took my lizards for a walk and they held on for dear life.
The neighborhood cat and I had a disagreement about the paw prints on my truck.
The police didn't comply with the terrorists' demands fast enough, so they took it out on us hostages.
This first one is kind of lame, but it's what I use most often: "Um, uh...I, uh....you see....I...uh...Well,...." At which they usually try to help me out by replying, "Did you fall?" And I say, "Yes, thanks."
Well, let me just tell you this: You should NEVER EVER, under ANY circumstances, go out with a guy/girl that you met on the internet.
I hurt myself.
I keep falling off of cliffs trying to catch that damned roadrunner.
"I was oyster hunting." They give me a blank stare. Then I say, with a wink, "You've obviously never been oyster hunting before."
"It's a long story." They usually leave me alone, but this one guy said, "I've got time." Then I said, "I fell. [long pause] Ok, so it's obviously not THAT long."
I was at this party with Marilyn Manson and everyone was giving out hugs.
I lost a fight with a can of tuna fish.
I slipped while making a salad.
I fell asleep, and the clown got me.


------More to come about Self-Injury.....