I made it!

Well, the school year is officially over. Over the past few weeks I didn't think I would. It was a long year. I love my job, but... I don't love the politics. I wish I could have made more changes in this little boy's life... I think I could have if there wouldn't have been so many "in between people", who don't care about his treatment or success.

I have a HUGE paper due Sunday... I haven't started. So I'll write more later...

Peace.

Am I cut out for this?

Today was one of the worst days at my job. Yesterday, the boy I work with had an issue at recess. It wasn't a huge deal, or I didn't think so. I get a phone call this morning before heading out the door. It is from the classroom teacher I work with. She informs me that she has decided that yesterday was a big deal, and the boy will not be allowed to participate in the last day of school activities. (Technically tomorrow is the last day of school, but they are only there for 2 hours, so the activities were today.) Anyway, the activities were quite fun, and the boy was very excited for them. Needless to say, this morning was awful. He was given the bad news, and threw a huge fit. he basically called the principal a "fat ass" and used many more ear burning words. Honestly, give him a break.

So I wonder... Am I cut out for this? I hate giving "punishment/discipline". I really, Really, Really, Really, hate it. I mean, maybe he did deserve to miss the activities for his activities yesterday. I just... I don't know. I like the therapy part of it... but I just feel so bad for him. I mean, he is seen as a horrible kid... manipulative and all that. But, can't they see what is inside of him? He obviously needs love and support...

Anyway... I just hate this. I hate that I doubt myself. I feel so inadequate. But what am I supposed to say to the principal... teacher... ???

It is the end of the year... I guess I'll let it go for now.
I am happy for summer break. I just have to make it through 2 hours of school tomorrow and the 2 hour staff "luncheon"... Then, I'm free!

Soul searching......

I'm trying this soul searching thing... I mean, I have been in therapy forever (and I mean forever), but I think I finally know now that I have to put some effort into this. So I'm trying... I am really trying to put some pieces together. It is hard to know where to start, do you start from the beginning? Now? Where did everything go wrong? Can I even answer that question? I don't know there is a defining moment to craziness.

This is harder than I thought.... I'm going to take a break :)

You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube.

Memorial Day

Today is a day I can remember those who have died. I don't know anyone personally who has died during military service... but I do know a lot of people who have died. Yesterday I went to my dad's grave to leave flowers. I struggle everytime I go, because I still cannot believe he is really gone. He died 8 years ago, and I still wait for a phone call from him. I am in denial, yes. I don't know how to "get over it". I have tried writing letters to him in "heaven" and all that jazz, but for those of you who have known me longer than 10 minutes, you know I struggle with the belief in God and heaven. Is this why I struggle so much? Isn't believing in reincarnation good enough? Do I need to believe in God? I don't know the answer... I haven't even gotten to this place in therapy. How can I deal with the death of loved ones, when I can't even work out the shiz in my head? I have to be okay with the past to be okay with the future, and I don't see that happening...... So I continue to pay $90 an hour to someone who claims they have the allknowing fixit manual.

My soul continues to be under construction. Someday I'll be okay with this.

Something more...

Recently a friend started writing a blog. She inspired me to be more myself here. I write things that are so matter of fact and boring... nothing that means anything to me. This is partly because I struggle to find things that mean anything to me. I'm not completely without soul. I just find it hard to put into words things I love and care about. I keep things inside, because they are safe there. My soul is under construction... Which is where I'm going to start from. Admitting this personal flaw. I lack soul.
So, here I am... writing a steady stream-of-consciousness or unconsciousness... I'm not quite sure yet. It will be my blog of healing.
I'll figure out something to write... hopefully.

Any suggestions at a soul opening topic?

Danny Deckchair

This movie rocks. So watch it. Yep... Right now... what are you waiting for?

Curves

Well, I have been going to Curves for a month now. I weighed and measured today... I lost 14" and 1/2 pound. Pretty cool... I broke my ankle and it hurts like a mother!!! But yeah, that's all I have right now!

7 1/2 days until I get summer vacation!

baby animal day

It has been a tradition for the past three years that I take my mom to the baby animal day for Mothers Day. This year, I also brought along 2 of my clients... They had a ball! It was a warm day, and it took our mind off our kitty. so yeah... That's all I want to say for now.

In loving memory...

My sweet kitty Roxy was put down today. She had acute kidney failure, and the vet couldn't save her... It was a very sad day....

Here is the last photo I have of her:

It's been awhile...

Okay, so I haven't blogged in awhile... and I need to vent about a few things. I bought my mom a dishwasher for her birthday. I bought it from Sears around the 16th (my mom's birthday was April 26th). They were supposed to call around the 20th for me to come pick it up. I paid 60 extra dollars to have the dishwasher installed. I didn't get a call, so on the 24th I called Sears. They said they had the dishwasher in, ready to pick up. So I asked when it was going to be installed. They said I never paid for installment, so I would have to pay 100 dollars extra! WHAT? So, I said... "Nevermind, I'll go somewhere else." They didn't even argue. They gave me my money back and I went to Bingham and Sons. I bought a dishwasher, and only had to pay 75 dollars for it to be DELIVERED AND INSTALLED... They delivered and installed the VERY next day... Sears is stupid! Never shop there!!!
Oh, and Big 5 sports doesn't carry bike equipment... Does that make sense??? NO!