Sometimes life is unfair…

Okay, so I know this post is going to be a downer… But at least I warned you! Just like the title says, sometimes life isn’t fair. Good people get sick and die and “bad” people get healthier and richer. The other day I found out David (My friend that has been in the hospital with Meningitis and brain abscesses) has permanent brain damage. He has a hole in the left side of the brain, and pretty severe damage to the whole left side of his brain. While talking with Lori (his wife, and my 2nd mom) I found out that the left side of our brain helps us with reasoning and emotions. Although he has relearned to walk, and can say a few words (and will probably be able to speak more as time goes), he will have to have 24 hour supervision either at home with a healthcare nurse or in some kind of institution. Of course their insurance only pays for 60 days in inpatient rehab… So the money thing is going to be a big issue. David will most likely function at a 7ish year old level for the rest of his life. Lori’s older boys understand, they are adults and can understand how the brain works and what the healing process entails. Their younger boys however are only 5 and 7. How will they understand that their father is alive, but doesn’t know how to be a father? How will they adjust to life with a dad that doesn’t remember them much of the time? Who can’t help with their homework and cuddle them when they are sad? Of course a miracle could happen… Miracles do happen, I have seen them… But I have to be realistic. I have to prepare myself. I have to be okay with having a friend (and father-figure) that has brain damage, and will most likely not remember me or the times we spent together. I want to be a support for Lori and her boys. I want to be someone they can turn to when they don’t think they can handle it anymore. But before I can do that, I have to grieve the loss of a friend but also celebrate the fact that Davis IS alive! He is alive! He will continue to bless us in many ways, even if it isn’t the way we wish it could be. I’m getting to a place where I can be okay, but I’m not there yet. When I think about life for the Duke family, I cry. I cry because they DON’T deserve it… Because they are GOOD people. People who believe and trust in God more than anyone I know. They have good hearts and they do the right thing, always. I guess life isn’t fair… but I wish in this case it were.

Yesterday after work I logged into Facebook and found that a friend from high school passed away. I don’t know how he died, but I do know that he left behind a wife and a one year-old little boy. I know that he was always nice to me in school, even when other kids weren’t. He was probably a good husband and father (I haven’t seen him since high school… So I’m just guessing). Even though we weren’t close friends, we didn’t “hang out” in high school… We didn’t keep in touch after high school… I grieve. I grieve because so many people I went to high school with, some I was close to and some I wasn’t, have died. They have died young, TOO young. They have left behind parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, wives, husbands, and children. They have left behind the people who knew them, that respected them, that loved them. Bret Blakey was only 27 years old. He has left behind his wife and small child. I grieve for his family.

Working with the kids at school makes me realize more than anything that life isn’t fair. The kids I work with have some kind of behavioral or emotional “disturbance”… Most of them (not all) have been abused, abandoned, neglected, starved, lied to, etc… Although they are pretty naughty kids I can’t help but think about their life at home. I can’t help but want to hug them and tell them everything will be okay….. But everything WON’T be okay. Their lives are hell and there is nothing that I can do about it. It makes me angry, ANGRY! Their parents keep custody of the kids and no consequences are ever given. Why do the bad people get all the glory? Why do the faithful and loving have so many more trials?

I wish I knew…