Just stuff

I’m going to say up front that my life is boring. I do basically the same thing everyday (work, spend time with Parker, help Parker with homework, cook dinner, my own homework, read to Parker, housework, bed). So, I guess I don’t have much to blog about… although I really like blogging. I am not one to get super-de-duper personal on this blog… but maybe that’s what I want? So, I’ve been thinking for awhile now about friends (and enemies). I have had 3 or 4 really good friends in my life, but it’s really hard to find a good friend, someone that is trusting and non-judgmental and all that. As an adult it’s even harder. When I moved from Utah to Idaho I left behind a few good friends. It was really hard to leave them, knowing I probably wouldn’t find friends like them in Idaho. The few friends I had in Utah knew me, like REALLY knew me (all of me). When I came to Idaho I knew it would be a new start. A place where nobody knew me, which I thought was a good thing. It’s nice that nobody knows my demons and past and shit… but it’s also lonely. I feel like I’ve hidden my true self. Tonight I went to dinner with some friends. It was a lot of fun and I really like these friends… but it’s still hard for me. I wonder if they knew the real me if they would still like me? I know EVERYONE says, “of course I would!” But how often does someone say that, then realize they didn’t mean it. I don’t even know if I’m even making sense. Ugh. I don’t know. I don’t want to air my crazy… but I also want to have friends who know and understand the real me.

Crap, I don’t know what I’m saying.