California, facebook holiday, old habits...

My mom and I took a quick trip to California last weekend. My sister just bought a new house, so we thought we would drove over and see it. The drive was LONG and HOT... but it was fun to see my sister and her kids. We spent most of the time in the pool because it was too hot to do anything else. I can't believe how fast my nieces and nephew are growing. Every time I see them I swear they have grown 5 inches! My oldest niece Rebecca will turn 15 in November! I can't believe it. (Is anyone reading this that remembers "bungee"! Yep, same little girl!) She will start high school, and she definitely has the attitude of an almost 15 year old! She may be tiny, but her attitude is full grown!! I love her though, she keeps me on my toes. She is so honest and innocent. Emily will turn 13 on the 31st. Another teenager! Because of Rebecca's disorder, she is much younger than her age... Emily on the other hand is most definitely 13!! She spends her time texting, standing in front of the mirror, shopping, and wishing for more skinny jeans... She is a fun girl to be around! Parker just turned 12, and is a sweetheart. There is something about Parker that I can't explain, he is just a sweet spirit. He is smart and athetic and super cute, but he is also pure and innocent. ANYWAY... I love those kids!! They are growing up wayyyy too fast!

So I decided recently to take a "holiday" from facebook. I do enjoy keeping in touch with my friends and family, but I find it really impersonal and frustrating. I dislike drama, and I feel like that is all that happens lately. I'll go back to it, but for now I just need to take a break... it is hard to explain...

Well, probably everybody knows that I am sometimes pretty crazy. Lately, that craziness has been creeping back. I really do try to be a happy upbeat person, but it is hard sometimes. I feel very isolated right now, like I'm stuck in a bubble and nobody is allowed in. I try to put myself out there, make friends, but my efforts fail. I'm just not a very social person, even though I really wish I was. The summer is getting long and hot, and as much as I love the time off work... I'm ready to get back. I feel at home helping people, helping the kids at school. Even if my influence is small, I hope to make lasting impressions on their lives. Recently, through facebook, I was reunited with my old high school counselor. High school for me was not easy, not because I wasn't smart enough, but because I didn't have the emotional capacity to deal with daily life. I spent many a day in her office, along with other kids who were social misfits, talking and escaping. I hope that the kids I work with will be able to look back to my time with them and feel as though I added something positive to their lives. I've been thinking back a lot, which isn't something I like doing, but I think it is necessary. There is so much heartache in the past, and recently it has been eating at me... making me feel down in the dumps. I'm not anywhere near as crazy as I was 4 or 5 years ago, but I feel it creeping up, like an old habit. It scares me. 4 weeks ago I quit therapy, which at the time I felt really great about... I really thought I was ready to handle life on my own. I was ready to embrace the present and rock at life....... but, I fear the rocking isn't happening. So, I have a dilemma... Do I swallow my pride and call my therapist, or do I try working through this on my own?? I don't know.

On a good note, I went to the back doctor and he scheduled a epidural injection. I had one about a year ago, and they really do work for a few months. It will at least give me some short-term comfort. I've also decided that when my back starts to feel better I am going to start running. It has been a dream of mine to run a marathon, or at least a 5K, so hopefully by next summer I'll be in good enough shape to do so.

Sorry to be such a downer... I just had to get that off my chest.
Oh, happy late Pioneer Day to my Utah friends :-)

Hopefully my next blog will be full of smiles and sunshine!

Sloth bears, school, frustration, and back pain...

Okay, so I haven't updated in awhile. I know I'm terrible at this blogging thing, but I figured I would update it before I got too involved in school.

The other day my mom and I went to the zoo. They have new sloth bears, which were very, very cute. It was a hot day, but the sun felt nice. My semester started today... back to school after having a month off. It's been nice having the time off, but I'm ready to get back to it. The faster I work, the closer I am to graduation! I have something to vent about though:

Yesterday, I was watching "Rookie of the Year" (The 90's kids movie about the 11 year old playing for the Chicago Cubs). Yeah, it's kind of a cheesy movie, but with my back issues I've been down for the count for a few days. So, it was about noon while I was watching this movie... and what commercial comes on? A "male enhancement" commercial. The commercial was advertising a product that will allow me to "get bigger and last longer". It basically talked about sex and penis size for 30 seconds (actually 1 minute, because the commercial played twice in a row!) Now, I don't have kids... but if I did they would probably be curious, mouthy little kids. They would probably want to know what sex was and what exactly would get bigger if they took the pills. It is RIDICULOUS! Play that kind of commercial at night, during adult programming time... seriously. I have to mute the TV or change the channel every time it comes on. It seriously makes me angry! Don't even get me started about the new condom commercial!!!!!!

So, my back is killing me... I've basically been down and out for 3 or 4 days. Today, I've spent the day in bed, with an Icy/Hot patch on my back, reading blogs, drinking diet coke, taking a Lortab, and cuddling with my dog and cat.

I will definitely have better, more uplifting, rad posts soon! Promise!

From Atlanta to Oregon

Okay, so I know it's been a long time since I posted last... So I'll try to give ya'll a quick update.

I had to go to Atlanta for school a few weeks ago, which I was pretty nervous about but it ended up being really fun! I met really cool people and learned a lot! I also tasting some really great food including collard greens, chicken and waffles, and some really great shrimp pasta stuff at Benihana. (And yes, I did the YMCA at the Hard Rock Cafe!)
Chicken and waffles... MMMMMMMM


After getting back from Atlanta, my mom and I headed out to the Oregon Coast. It is BEAUTIFUL! We stayed in a beach front house in Depoe Bay. The sites are amazing!
A cool bridge
Hanging out with Johnny Depp
This is my mom's stomach after her fall.
My mom's black eye after the fall
It is SO green here! I LOVE it!

The beach at low tide. This is all lava rock! It's so beautiful!
Heading out whale watching

My mom did take a pretty bad fall, but she's okay!We went whale watching... which was AMAZING!


When I get back from Oregon I'm heading straight to Utah to see my bestie Brooke and her brand new baby Vivian :) (Isn't she beautiful!)



I went to a lot of aqariums and stuff too... more pictures to come later...

My hero Tambi gave me permission to link to her blog. I honestly think you should all read her blog! She is an amazing source of happy!! I hope the link works, because it's the first time I've done a link on my blog!

So, I am in Utah... I am sleeping in a hotel tonight so I can get to the airport by 6 AM tomorrow! The drive here is really boring! But, I made it :) I really need to get some more homework done while I have time! So, read Tambi's blog..... and I'll try to write something more entertaining later!

♥'s

Memories Monday

HAHA, another themed blog... hey, it can be kinda fun!

I was going through some pictures on my computer today, trying to get some edited... and found a folder called "rehab candle fun". I was like, "what the fudge?" So I open it and find these photos.

Yeah, they look CRAZY, I know! So, funny story... Rachel and I had a TOTALLY CRAZY roomie in college at UVSC... Not just a little crazy either. She had a crazy boyfriend that was probably part of like the Utah mob (if such thing exists). We totally had to call the police on him, and then crazy men were out looking for him, to kill him (or at least cut his thumb off). So, Rachel and I were freaked out!!! But, one evening we smelt something super weird coming from her room, so we broke in :) She had a candle on a candle burner that had been on for DAYS (since she hadn't been home in days, we knew this to be true). So instead of turning it off and thanking the good Lord we didn't die from our apartment buring down....... we played in it. Yep, that's right, but our fingers and elbows in it and everything! Quite possibly the greatest day ever! No kidding!

P.S. I call it rehab candle fun because the candle was from some kind of drug rehab place :)

P.P.S. Rachel, your hair is SO short in these pictures!

Sunday's hero

Okay, I am not normally one to have "themed" blogs... but today it seemed more than appropriate. Anyone who knows me, knows I love having heroes. I have so many that I want to recognize them! The first hero I want to recognize is my friend Tambi. This girl is AMAZING, no joke. She is my age (so, totally young and spry!), she is married with 2 very handsome sons. I met her when I started working at UVSC (now it's UVU, but it was much cooler when Tambi and I worked there). She has had so many battles in her life! She was diagnosed with MS not too long ago, and it has been pretty dang bad. She had to be in a wheelchair recently because she couldn't walk. Throughout ALL of her trials, she sees the positive side of things. She doesn't want to be depressed because "being depressed is depressing!" I have never met a more positive, happy person! Not only does she rock when it comes to her own trials..... but she rocks when it comes to MY trials! A couple of years ago I was really crazy. I had just gone through the divorce from hell and I was a mental wreck in all areas of life. I did something really stupid, and almost died. Tambi and her husband Erek took me into their home, and treated me like I wasn't crazy! Erek (poor guy) had to blow up an air mattress without a pump, and almost passed out! I'm not even kidding when I say that Tambi is my hero! She rocks! If you ever get a chance to read her blog, do it! She will inspire you! If she gives me permission, I link you to it.

So, my hero of the week award goes to Tambi! (There isn't really an award... cuz I'm poor... Just a shout out on my blog) :)

A real update

(I totally got over a PHOBIA at the baby animal fair!) GO ME :)

Okay, my friend Abby made me realize I have really slacked off writing actual substance in my blog! So, I'm going to try to write something of substance here.

First, I think I should update you on my toes... The fake toenails lasted about 2 days, unfortunately they were traumatically ripped off (fake toenail and the little bits-o-real toenail). It was painful (bloody) and horrid... but whatevs. My toenails are back to being ugo... such is life :)

School is absolutely AWFUL right now. I seriously, honestly, truly hate, hate, hate it. I'm trying to stay positive, but it is really DRAINING me. It is getting super intense, and I'm like on the verge of FAILING! So.... yeah.... I have to go to Atlanta for 7 days for my first colloquium, which should be interesting. It gives you lots of counseling practice and whatev, so that is good. But I am SOOOO poor it isn't EVEN funny. I had to pay tonz-o-tuition, plus flight to Atlanta, and hotels, etc... etc... etc... BUT, if all goes well I should be able to start my INTERNSHIP in November! Then, I'll like....... have a Master's Degree! I hope it's worth it!!!!!!!!

Because of my trip to Atlanta, I will be missing the last week of work (dang :) ). So, Tuesday will be my last day... then it is S U M M E R!!! 2.5 months OFF WORK! It's amazing! Not quite sure what I'll do with myself, but I'm pretty sure it will involve visiting nieces and nephew! My sister bought a house, so I'll probably go see her and her coolio house!

Because of like, people I work with who think i'm sane (okay, maybe not sane, but you know), I'm not going to give too much of a update on my "mental health"...... But, let's just say... It's going okay, I'm good... You know, medicated still, but I don't know... a little more healthy than like Utah and the struggles with Kennie, Ken, Rhyn, and stuff is like gone, ya know? No, probably NOBODY does know what i'm talking about............ but it's hard to be vague, so I give up :) If you know what i'm talking about..... You'll know it is like AWESOME news and stuff ;)

Okay, so.... I REALLY, REALLY have to get back to homework!

♥
Kendra