Today in therapy my therapist and I talked about music. I know this seems like an odd topic to talk about in therapy... but music is my life. I had to confess that when I am depressed, angry, sad, upset, etc... I listen to angry/hard music. The types of things you would hear on my angry mix would be, "Hurt, cut, break stuff, hate me, bad habit, etc..." I know these songs make me more angry and more depressed, but I get angry when I listen to sappy songs too. So what do I do? Either way the music makes me mad...
Hmm... More on this later.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
5 Heroes
Okay... If there is one thing I do know, it is who my heroes are. Hero is a pretty broad term in my opinion... so bear with me.
#1. Albert Einstein: If I could, I would kick it with Einstein. He is not only a super-genius, he is real. Einstein did not graduate from high school. He dropped out because his family was poor, and had to move around to survive. Even so, he wrote his first scientific article when he was 15. He is amazing. I'm not the only one who thinks so (OBVIOUSLY). He was awarded the Nobel prize in Physics in 1921. Einstein did not believe in the idea of God, but had many spiritual beliefs. My favorite quote by Einstein says, "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."
#2. Sigmund Freud: I know this may seem odd to many of you. Freud is not generally a psychological hero to people of this day and age. I have to say however, that most psychological theories and ideas stem from something Freud thought of first. No, I don't believe in the Oedipus complex or anything of that sort... But, think about it: Freud was the first to theorize about our unconscious, repression, dissociation, etc... I also think he made great strides with the idea of the Id, Ego, and Superego. I also respect Freud's upbringing, although his mother had total disrespect for his other siblings who were not as "smart". Freud also developed a nasty Cocaine habit... which sucked. My favorite Freud quote: "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. "
#3. Nelson Mandela: The former president of Africa who spent 27 years in prison for standing up for what he believed (or in this case, didn't believe). Mandela was an anti-apartheid activist, which basically means he fought against African Segregation. Mandela was anti-violence, which in the end did not help his "fight". After 27 years in prison, being treated like the worst of the worst, the laws against anti-apartheid activists was reversed and Mandela was released. (obviously there is much more involved, but that is a whole other blog). Favorite Mandela quote: "After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb. "
#4. Mahatma Gandhi: Gandhi is well known for many things. He was first and foremost a political and spiritual leader in India. Gandhi does not believe in violence, for any reason. October 2nd was declared a national non-violence day in honor of Gandhi. Gandhi lived off of very little. He made his own clothes, and only ate what was necessary. Gandhi was peaceful in all his doings. In 1948 (just a guess) he was shot and killed while on a nightly walk in New Delhi. Gandhi was supposedly shot for "weakening India" by an extremist. How sad for such a non-violent person to be assassinated. Favorite Gandhi quote: "Hate the sin, love the sinner. "
#5. Dr. Phil: Now, I know that Dr. Phil is not necessarily ranked in the same atmosphere as Gandhi and Mandela... but I, for some reason think Dr. Phil is amazing. I don't think it is amazing that he never completed the requirements to re-license in Texas, I don't think it's amazing that he makes 30 million a year, I don't think it's amazing that he cares about Britney Spears. What I do think is amazing is his inventive psychology. He doesn't try to avoid hurting feelings... he tells you what he means, no questions asked. He seems real, although many have tried to tell me that he is a horrible husband and father. They read this on Wikipedia.org... the least reputable website on the Internet. Also, I believe (just as with any famous person) that his life is under a microscope. He seems more crazy than me, because every bit of his life is televised. Favorite Dr. Phil quote: "Sometimes you just got to give yourself what you wish someone else would give you."
#1. Albert Einstein: If I could, I would kick it with Einstein. He is not only a super-genius, he is real. Einstein did not graduate from high school. He dropped out because his family was poor, and had to move around to survive. Even so, he wrote his first scientific article when he was 15. He is amazing. I'm not the only one who thinks so (OBVIOUSLY). He was awarded the Nobel prize in Physics in 1921. Einstein did not believe in the idea of God, but had many spiritual beliefs. My favorite quote by Einstein says, "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."
#2. Sigmund Freud: I know this may seem odd to many of you. Freud is not generally a psychological hero to people of this day and age. I have to say however, that most psychological theories and ideas stem from something Freud thought of first. No, I don't believe in the Oedipus complex or anything of that sort... But, think about it: Freud was the first to theorize about our unconscious, repression, dissociation, etc... I also think he made great strides with the idea of the Id, Ego, and Superego. I also respect Freud's upbringing, although his mother had total disrespect for his other siblings who were not as "smart". Freud also developed a nasty Cocaine habit... which sucked. My favorite Freud quote: "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. "
#3. Nelson Mandela: The former president of Africa who spent 27 years in prison for standing up for what he believed (or in this case, didn't believe). Mandela was an anti-apartheid activist, which basically means he fought against African Segregation. Mandela was anti-violence, which in the end did not help his "fight". After 27 years in prison, being treated like the worst of the worst, the laws against anti-apartheid activists was reversed and Mandela was released. (obviously there is much more involved, but that is a whole other blog). Favorite Mandela quote: "After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb. "
#4. Mahatma Gandhi: Gandhi is well known for many things. He was first and foremost a political and spiritual leader in India. Gandhi does not believe in violence, for any reason. October 2nd was declared a national non-violence day in honor of Gandhi. Gandhi lived off of very little. He made his own clothes, and only ate what was necessary. Gandhi was peaceful in all his doings. In 1948 (just a guess) he was shot and killed while on a nightly walk in New Delhi. Gandhi was supposedly shot for "weakening India" by an extremist. How sad for such a non-violent person to be assassinated. Favorite Gandhi quote: "Hate the sin, love the sinner. "
#5. Dr. Phil: Now, I know that Dr. Phil is not necessarily ranked in the same atmosphere as Gandhi and Mandela... but I, for some reason think Dr. Phil is amazing. I don't think it is amazing that he never completed the requirements to re-license in Texas, I don't think it's amazing that he makes 30 million a year, I don't think it's amazing that he cares about Britney Spears. What I do think is amazing is his inventive psychology. He doesn't try to avoid hurting feelings... he tells you what he means, no questions asked. He seems real, although many have tried to tell me that he is a horrible husband and father. They read this on Wikipedia.org... the least reputable website on the Internet. Also, I believe (just as with any famous person) that his life is under a microscope. He seems more crazy than me, because every bit of his life is televised. Favorite Dr. Phil quote: "Sometimes you just got to give yourself what you wish someone else would give you."
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Opinions?
Okay, I am frustrated with myself. I find that I have no opinions whatsoever. I struggle to make decisions and admit when I'm wrong (or right for that matter). So what can I possibly blog about? I have no interest in politics. I will vote for Obama, only because McCain gives me the creeps when I look at him. I'm frustrated with the gas prices, the same as every American. I have no opinion on abortion. I think every case is different, and one shouldn't be judged for their beliefs on the subject. I'm not one who likes to take a deeper look in to the lives of Britney Spears, Tom Cruise, or Michael Vick. The only reason they are considered more crazy than me is because they are famous. If I were famous, I would be considered completely crazy too. I think if gay people want to get married they should be able to. However, I don't tend to believe in the constitution of marriage for straight or homosexual people.
None of these things are studied opinions. None of these things would I want to "fight or argue" someone about. I want to care about things, but I find it hard to care. I wonder why? Hmm... I guess I'll have to find something I do care about to blog...
None of these things are studied opinions. None of these things would I want to "fight or argue" someone about. I want to care about things, but I find it hard to care. I wonder why? Hmm... I guess I'll have to find something I do care about to blog...
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
The easy stuff...
Okay, I have decided that I am going to figure myself out a little at a time. I have been fake for so long that I need to start from the basics... So here it goes.
These are the things I know for sure about myself...
1. I hate green beans (unless they are fresh out of the garden)
2. I hate avacado
3. I love Adam Sandler, no matter how raunchy he is
4. I like being in school
5. I love the color yellow
6. I love Dr. Phil
7. I like to take afternoon naps
8. I'll only drink light blue gatorade
9. I HATE spiders... i will scream and cry when I see one (I know, lame)
10. I like my cat
11. I'm not a huge dog fan
12. I'm scared of love
These are the things I know for sure about myself...
1. I hate green beans (unless they are fresh out of the garden)
2. I hate avacado
3. I love Adam Sandler, no matter how raunchy he is
4. I like being in school
5. I love the color yellow
6. I love Dr. Phil
7. I like to take afternoon naps
8. I'll only drink light blue gatorade
9. I HATE spiders... i will scream and cry when I see one (I know, lame)
10. I like my cat
11. I'm not a huge dog fan
12. I'm scared of love
Monday, June 16, 2008
Secrets in my closet
Okay, doesn't everyone have secrets in their "closet"? I believe so. The problem with my secret is it shows. When you self-injure it is pretty impossible to hide the evidence. I get asked about my scars quite a bit. Not as often as I used to as, the ones on my arms are lightening up... but still... What do you say? Well, there is a great site caled "secret shame" http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html that lists great "excuses". I just have to list a few because I have used them and they are great!
I had unprotected sex with a porcupine.
I took my lizards for a walk and they held on for dear life.
The neighborhood cat and I had a disagreement about the paw prints on my truck.
The police didn't comply with the terrorists' demands fast enough, so they took it out on us hostages.
This first one is kind of lame, but it's what I use most often: "Um, uh...I, uh....you see....I...uh...Well,...." At which they usually try to help me out by replying, "Did you fall?" And I say, "Yes, thanks."
Well, let me just tell you this: You should NEVER EVER, under ANY circumstances, go out with a guy/girl that you met on the internet.
I hurt myself.
I keep falling off of cliffs trying to catch that damned roadrunner.
"I was oyster hunting." They give me a blank stare. Then I say, with a wink, "You've obviously never been oyster hunting before."
"It's a long story." They usually leave me alone, but this one guy said, "I've got time." Then I said, "I fell. [long pause] Ok, so it's obviously not THAT long."
I was at this party with Marilyn Manson and everyone was giving out hugs.
I lost a fight with a can of tuna fish.
I slipped while making a salad.
I fell asleep, and the clown got me.
------More to come about Self-Injury.....
I had unprotected sex with a porcupine.
I took my lizards for a walk and they held on for dear life.
The neighborhood cat and I had a disagreement about the paw prints on my truck.
The police didn't comply with the terrorists' demands fast enough, so they took it out on us hostages.
This first one is kind of lame, but it's what I use most often: "Um, uh...I, uh....you see....I...uh...Well,...." At which they usually try to help me out by replying, "Did you fall?" And I say, "Yes, thanks."
Well, let me just tell you this: You should NEVER EVER, under ANY circumstances, go out with a guy/girl that you met on the internet.
I hurt myself.
I keep falling off of cliffs trying to catch that damned roadrunner.
"I was oyster hunting." They give me a blank stare. Then I say, with a wink, "You've obviously never been oyster hunting before."
"It's a long story." They usually leave me alone, but this one guy said, "I've got time." Then I said, "I fell. [long pause] Ok, so it's obviously not THAT long."
I was at this party with Marilyn Manson and everyone was giving out hugs.
I lost a fight with a can of tuna fish.
I slipped while making a salad.
I fell asleep, and the clown got me.
------More to come about Self-Injury.....
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Blonde Moment....
Okay, so I've spent my day sicker than sick. I have basically watched TV all day. I know... Lazy... So anyway, my mom and I were watching Without A Paddle. Have you ever noticed that the commercials are REALLY, REALLY loud compared to the movie? Well, I (in my fever stricken state) told my mom that remotes need a "commercial" button. You would push this button when the commercial came on and it would mute the TV.................. Think about that for a minute........................... Yep... I'm that dumb! My mom was like... hmmm.... isn't that what the.... MUTE button is for????? Yeah... I am either really blonde, or really sick... haha...
Off to bed to sleep this off.
Off to bed to sleep this off.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
A hint of seriousness
Abby has once again inspired me to write a blog. I need to heal somehow, and for me writing is the way (along with hours of therapy). I don't write much anymore. I would say I don't have time, but I do. I just... I don't want to write the things I think... out of fear of sounding crazy I guess. Another reason I don't write is because, well... It is hard to explain. Let me just say I have inner tattle tails...
I won't lie, I do like my therapist. He is probably the best one I've had, and trust me... I've had plenty. He gets me, I think. I don't know. It is hard to know when someone "gets" you. He doesn't make me sign saftey contracts, which is nice. He does make me promise not to hurt myself, which is much better than a contract I guess. Many therapists before him made me sign contracts. How pointless, really. I mean, what is a piece of paper? I think for the contract to have to work, the therapist has to completely trust the patient... And what therapist does? I mean, isn't it always in the back of their mind that they are not a trusting person? I think the patient feels that too. I don't want to trust my therapist because I know he doesn't trust me. He has a right to not trust me too. I mean, I do things that are "unacceptable" (to use Abby's words).
I remember my first therapist as an adult (you know, the one I got to choose instead of my parents choosing). It was a woman (that is an important detail). I went into counseling because of marriage problems, but I was hoping I could work on some personal things too. I went in the first day and she gave me an IQ test. The next session she told me I had a high enough IQ to figure things out on my own. I'm not kidding (I wish I were). I no longer see female therapists (it just ruined it for me. I now associate female therapists with crap). This however, is when I learned to hate safety contracts...
My next therapist was the biggest jerk in the world (I swear I'm not exaggerating). He didn't believe a word I said... He wouldn't even believe the lies I told to make him believe me. I made myself go for 6 months, thinking I would warm up to him. I didn't. What I want to know is why this experience didn't turn me off of male counselors? Of course, what else is there? I tried telling him some symptoms I was having, he didn't believe them. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. In other words... a manipulative liar. I left treatment.
I was in treatment with my next therapist for almost 4 years. He was a good person. A good therapist. I believe he cared about me and my healing process. He believed me. He believed my symptoms. Overall, it was great. He helped me through my divorce and some personal issues. He admitted me to a psych unit, which sucked... but I understood. I appreciated him. Then I got a job offer in Idaho and had to move. Suckfest... time to find a new counselor.
I wasn't going to. I was going to try to stick it out. Two months in Idaho and I was DONE with trying to handle life on my own. So, I went to therapistlocator.net and looked up counselors in my area. I e-mailed 5. Two e-mailed back. The first one said they didn't "deal with" clients like myself (whatever the eff that means). The second e-mailed within a few days. He sounded okay. I mean, he didn't freak when I told him my "diagnosis". So, I went in. I was apprehensive. I was vauge. I lied. Heck, I still try to lie. Good thing I'm a horrible liar. So here I am today. In counseling with a therapist that hasn't kicked me out of his office yet for being too smart or too crazy. It's almost a miracle (if I believed in God).
Anyway, I felt I needed to write all that... for background I guess. I hope that when I'm a counselor I can be great. We'll see.
More to come about my healing journey...
I won't lie, I do like my therapist. He is probably the best one I've had, and trust me... I've had plenty. He gets me, I think. I don't know. It is hard to know when someone "gets" you. He doesn't make me sign saftey contracts, which is nice. He does make me promise not to hurt myself, which is much better than a contract I guess. Many therapists before him made me sign contracts. How pointless, really. I mean, what is a piece of paper? I think for the contract to have to work, the therapist has to completely trust the patient... And what therapist does? I mean, isn't it always in the back of their mind that they are not a trusting person? I think the patient feels that too. I don't want to trust my therapist because I know he doesn't trust me. He has a right to not trust me too. I mean, I do things that are "unacceptable" (to use Abby's words).
I remember my first therapist as an adult (you know, the one I got to choose instead of my parents choosing). It was a woman (that is an important detail). I went into counseling because of marriage problems, but I was hoping I could work on some personal things too. I went in the first day and she gave me an IQ test. The next session she told me I had a high enough IQ to figure things out on my own. I'm not kidding (I wish I were). I no longer see female therapists (it just ruined it for me. I now associate female therapists with crap). This however, is when I learned to hate safety contracts...
My next therapist was the biggest jerk in the world (I swear I'm not exaggerating). He didn't believe a word I said... He wouldn't even believe the lies I told to make him believe me. I made myself go for 6 months, thinking I would warm up to him. I didn't. What I want to know is why this experience didn't turn me off of male counselors? Of course, what else is there? I tried telling him some symptoms I was having, he didn't believe them. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. In other words... a manipulative liar. I left treatment.
I was in treatment with my next therapist for almost 4 years. He was a good person. A good therapist. I believe he cared about me and my healing process. He believed me. He believed my symptoms. Overall, it was great. He helped me through my divorce and some personal issues. He admitted me to a psych unit, which sucked... but I understood. I appreciated him. Then I got a job offer in Idaho and had to move. Suckfest... time to find a new counselor.
I wasn't going to. I was going to try to stick it out. Two months in Idaho and I was DONE with trying to handle life on my own. So, I went to therapistlocator.net and looked up counselors in my area. I e-mailed 5. Two e-mailed back. The first one said they didn't "deal with" clients like myself (whatever the eff that means). The second e-mailed within a few days. He sounded okay. I mean, he didn't freak when I told him my "diagnosis". So, I went in. I was apprehensive. I was vauge. I lied. Heck, I still try to lie. Good thing I'm a horrible liar. So here I am today. In counseling with a therapist that hasn't kicked me out of his office yet for being too smart or too crazy. It's almost a miracle (if I believed in God).
Anyway, I felt I needed to write all that... for background I guess. I hope that when I'm a counselor I can be great. We'll see.
More to come about my healing journey...
Friday, June 13, 2008
Zohan... and a poll...
I have had a pretty rough week... so my mom agreed to go see the new Adam Sandler flick with me. Don't Mess With Zohan... was... in my eyes hilarious... But 4 people walked out. My mom said it was "raunchy". Honestly though, it's Adam Sandler... What do you expect, really? He is a raunchy dude. So, would I recommend it? Yes, to my friends who like raunchy. NO, to my friends who are offended by crude humor.
I am putting a new poll up after I post this blog. Participate! It is hilariously important to me. Pretty Please????
Thanks :)
I am putting a new poll up after I post this blog. Participate! It is hilariously important to me. Pretty Please????
Thanks :)
I love dogs.... I do....
I do love dogs... from afar. I have owned 3 in my lifetime. The first was a Scottish Terrier named... Scottie. I was about 4 when my family owned this dog, and it got hit by a car not long after we got him... so I don't remember much. When I was married we had a yellow lab named Egypt. She was a pretty dog. I really loved her. She was wild! But it was all good. Then, my ex-husband started beating her and tossing her around and stuff... So I took her to the Humaine Society. Last year I got a puppy from the baby animal fair. We named him Rex. About a month after getting this dog we moved, and had to give her away.
I haven't had a great track record with dogs. I have decided that I really like them when other people own them....... there is an exception though. I HATE, HATE, HATE my neighbors dogs. They have 3... One HUGE dog, one MEDIUM dog, and one SMALL dog. All three of these dogs BARK AND BARK AND BARK, ALL NIGHT! Even when I take a sleeping pill it is hard to sleep through the night.
This is what the 3 dogs look like... They aren't even good looking dogs. They are just obnoxious, and I am tired because I didn't sleep.... Because they BARKED ALL NIGHT LONG! I hate those neighbors... and I hate their dogs. I know, I know, hate is a strong word... "But I really, really, don't like you." (Thats a pretty good song...) :)
Thursday, June 12, 2008
OH... MY... GOD!!!
I tried posting this blog, and my computer died... so here it goes... I am SO traumatized!!!!!! I was typing my papers and my cat brought in a bird! I thought it was dead, but when I tried to pick it up it started to FLAP around. AHH... it was disgusting! I am so unfocused now!
On a deadline... Again...
My semester ends tomorrow... I have two 14 page papers due tomorrow... Plus a few small papers. I am such a procrastinator. I just feel like I can't even get out of bed, let alone writing papers, trying to get A's. I can't get less than an A. I feel like a failure if I get less than that. I did get a B my first semester of graduate school. That is my second in my college career. I don't say this to brag, I just really have this flaw... a perfectionist flaw. So why do I wait until the last day to write these huge papers?? I don't know. I feel sick... for no reason.
I got this in my e-mail today. I thought it was great! The print is pretty small... but it's funny shiz.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Fake?
I am so confused. I try to be an honest person. I try not to be fake. Most my friends know the "real" me. So why in the world do I feel the need to be fake with my therapist? The therapist I have now is probably the best I've had. He knows how much to push and when not to push. I have really opened up to him about a lot of stuff! He knows things no one knows... Why do I still feel like I have to fake it with him though? I go in and downplay my depression. I try to fool him about my suicidality. I don't want to promise to be safe. Why? He is the one person that doesn't judge me... So why am I screwing it up? I don't want to blow it and end up quitting. I know I need therapy, without it I'm a huge disaster... How do I do it though? How do I stay honest? How do I keep going in therapy without being fake?
Senny passed away last night after a battle with Leukemia. That kinda screwed my day up.
Everything is screwed up. I am in therapy to "heal" and yet I can't be honest enough in therapy to do so.
Life sucks.
Senny passed away last night after a battle with Leukemia. That kinda screwed my day up.
Everything is screwed up. I am in therapy to "heal" and yet I can't be honest enough in therapy to do so.
Life sucks.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Internet phrases
Okay... so I hate all Internet/text related slang... For example:
LOL
ROFL
BRB
WB
JK
DH
2morrow
ASL
BFF
B/C
PPL
Webinar
podcast
The list goes on and on and on and on and on......... They just drive me crazy. How hard is it to say (when on instant messenger) tomorrow? 2morrow is only 1 LETTER shorter... I don't know. Am I crazy??
Kung Fu Panda was cute... Kind of over rated though.
LOL
ROFL
BRB
WB
JK
DH
2morrow
ASL
BFF
B/C
PPL
Webinar
podcast
The list goes on and on and on and on and on......... They just drive me crazy. How hard is it to say (when on instant messenger) tomorrow? 2morrow is only 1 LETTER shorter... I don't know. Am I crazy??
Kung Fu Panda was cute... Kind of over rated though.
Blog inspired by Abby
Okay, I have to agree with Abby when she says there are words that make her toes curl. There are many words that make my toes curl. More than words for me though, is phrases.
#1 for me would be: "you need to get proactive." What does that mean? Am I being con-active? haha. I don't know. I hate it!
#2 Literally: "I literally laughed my ass off!" Oh did you? Let me see! I've never seen an assless person!
#3 You have to think outside the box: WHO has a box in the first place??
#4 Baby: NOT an infant baby... but when someone calls their "loved one" baby. "Hey baby, can you get me a drink of water?" AHHH. I HATE IT!
#5 When you go to a store and the clerk calls you hun/darling/sweetie and they are 10 years younger than you.
There are many more..... these are a few I came up with "from the top of my head" haha, I hate that one too.
I have to do some homework, then i'll be back!
I'm sure I have a worthy blog on internet/text "language".
#1 for me would be: "you need to get proactive." What does that mean? Am I being con-active? haha. I don't know. I hate it!
#2 Literally: "I literally laughed my ass off!" Oh did you? Let me see! I've never seen an assless person!
#3 You have to think outside the box: WHO has a box in the first place??
#4 Baby: NOT an infant baby... but when someone calls their "loved one" baby. "Hey baby, can you get me a drink of water?" AHHH. I HATE IT!
#5 When you go to a store and the clerk calls you hun/darling/sweetie and they are 10 years younger than you.
There are many more..... these are a few I came up with "from the top of my head" haha, I hate that one too.
I have to do some homework, then i'll be back!
I'm sure I have a worthy blog on internet/text "language".
Monday, June 9, 2008
DUH!!
Okay, okay... I am so dumb! I have been feeling so dang depressed lately. I wake up and feel like staying in bed. I don't feel like working, doing homework, cleaning... nothing...............
Today, I realized I haven't taken any medication in almost 2 weeks!!!! What the heck?? I'm suprized I haven't died from low blood sugar..... hmmm... No anti-psychotics, no blood sugar medicine, no vitamins, no anti-biotics for my sinus infection. NO WONDER I feel like hell!!!
So yeah,
Hopefully I will start to feel better soon!
Today, I realized I haven't taken any medication in almost 2 weeks!!!! What the heck?? I'm suprized I haven't died from low blood sugar..... hmmm... No anti-psychotics, no blood sugar medicine, no vitamins, no anti-biotics for my sinus infection. NO WONDER I feel like hell!!!
So yeah,
Hopefully I will start to feel better soon!
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Intervention
Have you ever seen the show Intervention? It is one of my favorites right now. Everytime I watch it however, I think I need an intervention. I am an addict in so many ways, ways in which I don't want to admit. Am I such an addict that I need an intervention?
Am I ready to admit to these addictions? It is so difficult to talk about my weaknesses, because I am supposed to be strong. So where do I start? How do I admit to the world that I am weak? How can I say the words which are impossible?
How can I say therapy is working when I still feel like dying? How can I continue to pay 90 dollars a week to skirt around the "real" issues?
I am frustrated.
Am I ready to admit to these addictions? It is so difficult to talk about my weaknesses, because I am supposed to be strong. So where do I start? How do I admit to the world that I am weak? How can I say the words which are impossible?
How can I say therapy is working when I still feel like dying? How can I continue to pay 90 dollars a week to skirt around the "real" issues?
I am frustrated.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
hangovers and sunburns
I spent a few days in Utah camping with friends. It was super fun. The first night it rained like crazy, so we all froze. I ended up sleeping in a puddle in the tent (again, thanks Brooke)... I got in my truck about 7 am and turned the heat on to sleep. The next day was much warmer, which was nice. Yesterday it was super sunny and I got a bad sunburn on my face...
Camping is always fun with my friends. Some of these guys I haven't seen in 6 or 7 years! It was great... kind of like a high school reunion. The only sucky thing about the whole trip was the hangover. I didn't get one until I got home and got good sleep. I woke up this morning with a HUGE headache. I don't think it is really an official headache, because I didn't drink yesterday... but I do think it was a delayed headache. I drank too much, but it's okay. I only drink once or twice a year, so it's all good.
It's always nice to be around people that accept you for who you are, no matter what. I had a great time!!!
Camping is always fun with my friends. Some of these guys I haven't seen in 6 or 7 years! It was great... kind of like a high school reunion. The only sucky thing about the whole trip was the hangover. I didn't get one until I got home and got good sleep. I woke up this morning with a HUGE headache. I don't think it is really an official headache, because I didn't drink yesterday... but I do think it was a delayed headache. I drank too much, but it's okay. I only drink once or twice a year, so it's all good.
It's always nice to be around people that accept you for who you are, no matter what. I had a great time!!!
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Panic
Big assignment completed... minus the introduction and conclusion (I hope those weren't due).
Little assignments WOULD have been done last night... however, I have a really stupid Internet Provider, so my internet crashed until about 10 minutes ago. Little assignments complete.
Showered.
Need to leave to Utah at 11:00 (It's 9:30).
Need to go to the bank first.
And fill up the truck (ahhh, that will cost like 65 bucks).
And buy some day quil (damn cold).
Pack...
Okay, I am stressed... which is why I'm writing this lame blog. It is helping me get organized. I hope I don't forget anything.
I will be in Utah for a week. No internet in the mountains.... :)
Little assignments WOULD have been done last night... however, I have a really stupid Internet Provider, so my internet crashed until about 10 minutes ago. Little assignments complete.
Showered.
Need to leave to Utah at 11:00 (It's 9:30).
Need to go to the bank first.
And fill up the truck (ahhh, that will cost like 65 bucks).
And buy some day quil (damn cold).
Pack...
Okay, I am stressed... which is why I'm writing this lame blog. It is helping me get organized. I hope I don't forget anything.
I will be in Utah for a week. No internet in the mountains.... :)
Sunday, June 1, 2008
A little stressed......
Okay, so I have this huge paper due tonight at 11:59 PM... I have to read 10 sources... I have read 2... and have about 1.5 pages written. Yikes!
PLUS, I am going camping in Utah. I'll be gone Tuesday - Saturday..... The semester ends next week. YIKES! I have SO MUCH to do! So, I'm stressed. So stressed! SOO Stressed!
I'll write more... when I can! Wish me luck :)
PLUS, I am going camping in Utah. I'll be gone Tuesday - Saturday..... The semester ends next week. YIKES! I have SO MUCH to do! So, I'm stressed. So stressed! SOO Stressed!
I'll write more... when I can! Wish me luck :)
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